Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)

Posted: December 23, 2013 in Joe Giambrone
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Another holiday season rental courtesy of the family.  Mortal Instruments hits every cliché and Hero’s Journey formula point in the book.  A mind-numbingly predictable exercise in raking in dough from teenage girls.  The series goes the extra mile and throws in every supernatural imaginable: werewolves, vampires, witches, demons, demon hunters.

When they also threw in the “I am your father” shtick from Empire Strikes Back I had to clean vomit off the TV.  Painful.

I suppose it had lots of FX and magic and pretty young actors innocently lusting after one another.  Sounds like a winning franchise, and one I won’t be revisiting.  The girl in the lead was particularly lacking in charisma and watchability.  With a muted Kristen Stewart vibe, she read her lines and the plot moved along without me.  It was all such a stilted, mechanized, orchestrated puppet show that I couldn’t have cared less really if the demon hunters managed to knock out their video game demon enemies or whatever.  None of the drama ever escalated beyond the video game aesthetic, and none of it rang particularly true on any level.  Shame.

I’ll take it easy with one snarky quote.  From the SF Chronicle, Peter Hartlaub:

“It desperately gathers clichés like a teen fantasy Frankenstein that doesn’t realize its secret identity: parody.”

Apparently the books are supposed to be better.  Up next, also courtesy of the family, 2 Guns.


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