Oscars (TM) Cancelled

Posted: February 29, 2016 in -, Joe Giambrone
Tags: , , , ,

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World Gets a Life

(Hollywood, CA) – Humanity declined to tune into the 2016 Academy Awards show, deciding instead to “do its own thing” for a change of pace. Human beings from across the planet collectively flipped a quick middle finger in Hollywood’s direction and found that there was much else to do with the time block. Many realized that time is finite, and that giving it over to corporate manufactured products is not a satisfying use of one’s limited lifespan.

Oscar (TM) promoters, in a last ditch effort to attract gullible viewers, Tweeted the possibility of nipple slips and wardrobe malfunctions. These gags had long ago lost their allure, and people had generally wisened up to the cheap, manipulative practices of the soulless glamour merchants.

With this total collapse of the Oscar (TM) system and the fake, manipulative industry behind it, largely staffed by coke-addled fraternity brothers and whore-mannequin marketing bimbos, California braces for possible earthquakes tonight.

Recent seismic activity hints at the drowning of southern California into the Pacific Ocean, and many are stocking up with extra candy and popcorn in case of just such an eventuality.

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