Posts Tagged ‘fiction’

Vlad the Derailer

Posted: March 9, 2020 in Joe Giambrone
Tags: , , , , , ,

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Sultan Erdoğan,

so nice to see you again. It’s time to put on the brakes, and we must all step cautiously back away from the brink. I’d like only to point out just two or three items for your consideration. That is all. It won’t take long.

On 27th, February, Russian MIGs in cooperation with Syrian Air Force, targeted some of your vehicles in Idlib and eliminated them. This was precision laser-guided bombs. This had to be done, unfortunately, and I am sorry for your loss of life.

As you know, several of our resupply ships have just now landed at Tartus, each carrying many more precision laser-guided bombs.

Now, here are several satellite pictures of your vehicles, that are illegally occupying in northern Syria. We count one hundred and thirty eight of them, which still function.

So, I ask you, Sultan: would it not be a most terrible tragedy for you to lose all of those men’s lives? For what? What is this to you?

I ask you, as a longtime friend. This is not the way forward.

Syria remains a sovereign state with official borders recognized by the international community, and you are very much on the wrong side of those borders.

It is time this war ended, and the people of Syria rebuilt their society. Have they not suffered enough?

As for your militia friends, they seem to be so intimate and acquainted with your military that perhaps they should move just a few kilometers north into Turkey and join with your standard army? That is my best advice.

Russia remains to put an end to this unnecessary bloodshed, and that is what we intend to do. That is the reason why our quite large shipment of laser-guided precision bombs has arrived and is currently being loaded up onto aircraft, today. Tonight.

Do you not see the difficult situation I am in, right now? I do not want to say these things. I would prefer a peaceful resolution.

I know that you will think seriously about these developments and come to the correct solution, my friend. You have a wonderful day.

 


Demigods are here.

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the world is conditioned to look the other way,
except for one dying little boy with nothing to lose.

 

Yes, my fourth novel is up for PRE-ORDER, but to you, my loyal people, here’s the scoop. If you add your email to the Announcement List I’ll send out an email the day before it releases, and you’ll get a major discount.

DEMIGODS releases on September 26, 2019 through Indies United Publishing House, LLC.

 

#Beto and kid murder fantasies

Posted: March 16, 2019 in -
Tags: , ,

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Not even he thought to defend it as just fictional.

Certainly not a deal breaker with the Democrats (or Rethugs if he feels more comfortable there).

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Get Transfixion

That’s a hell of a bargain.

If you haven’t seen Kieran Kelly’s review of the novel, check it out here.

 

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Yep. Just $1.50 for the funniest novel of the year.

 

At Smashwords

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Wrecking Balls

Are there any others?

 

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Wrecking Balls

 

Yeah, that’s right.

 

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Well then…

Sometime after midnight I’m going to tell Amazon to screw you guys over and double the price. Hah! That’s what I get to do, muthafuckas. Can you feel the power pulsing and gushing out across the web? That’s right. This shit is of the utmost seriousness. Money, bitches. Currency. Economics. It’s all going down around midnight, and then you can cry and weep to each other as I giggle atop my pile of riches and count my jewels.

 

$1.49
amazon-logo_black

See Chapters 1 and 2

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Wrecking Balls is a new novel about stand-up comedians, and it’s for comedians. It’s the struggle to make it in comedy, and you’ll laugh your ass off.

Tested on guinea pigs, otherwise known as book reviewers. Here’s what they said:

“Giambrone has a way with words and telling a story, and this story works.”
–Amy’s Bookshelf

“I recommend this book to anyone looking for a good laugh.”
–Theresa on Goodreads

“Clearly, if you think being funny is easy, you will be enlightened in ways you couldn’t imagine!”
–Tome Tender Book Blog

Wrecking Balls is only $1.49 e-book version until this Friday. There are way more than 150 jokes in this novel, which is truly novel and worthy of the label. Do the math, but the clock is running.

Amazon Deal

“Just wanted to let you know I’ve just finished reading Wrecking Balls and if I continue to laugh like so, I may rupture something.”
-Charlie Ferguson

Wrecking Balls – also available in paperback for your erotic tactile pleasure.

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Start Reading

 

My novel of buddy stand-up comedians, who go to war with each other after a stolen joke idea, has finally hit the streets. Get it now, or forever regret your insolence and mediocrity. Now leave my sight.

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Be the first kid on your block corrupted by stand-up comedy.
Wrecking Balls

My latest is up online as a limited offer. Copies are running out. Wrecking Balls is my fifth or sixth novel. Can’t remember. It tells the story of a broken friendship after the appropriation of a joke idea. You people claim to want something new, something different, something that doesn’t fit neatly in a box. Well here it fucking-well is.